Serious allegations arose last night, with regard to the training procedures of certain Hub players. Team Trainer Eric Farnham has been subpeonaed by The Cedar Falls Rec Commitee and Cedar Falls City Hall for allegations of performance enhancing drug-trafficking.
Questions were raised after The Hub hit an uncharacteristic 4 home runs in the game. Farnham hit 3 of the 4 homers, and is coincidentally the Team Trainer. “I have never knowingly taken performance enhancing drugs or directly supplied them to others,” Farnham said with a wink as he clenched on to his familiar “Backpack of Brawn,” also referred to as “Farnham’s Fannypack of Force.” When asked what was in his backback, which has never left his side, Farnham just winked and said they were “training supplies.” When pressed for a more detailed explanation, Farnham simply ran away with lightning speed.
Jordan Scales, who is no stranger to steroid allegations, also hit a tape-measure shot. Rumors have been buzzing about Scales lately, namely because of his infamous training routine, which involves consuming his patented “HGHburger” that he eats twice a day before meals, and once again before and after a light workout.
Mayor John Crews has announced court dates for Farnham and Scales which are set for July of 2021. They appealed, and will remain eligible to play until that time.
On a lighter note, The Hub “raged” their way to a 12-9 victory over Orchard Hill, with a 3 run rally in the last inning. When asked for comment on the team’s victory, Bench Coach Jake Arends turned green, grew to almost 3 times his normal size, and kicked over a telephone pole.