Associated Press – Cedar Falls, IA
April 26th, 2010
by beat writer Mike Staebell
In a stunning move, HuB skipper Mike Staebell recently announced that he will be moving the HuB’s #1 starting pitcher to the bullpen.
“Look, he needed a change. I know the media might blow this out of proportion, but at the end of the day, I need to do what’s best for the organization,” Staebell remarked last Thursday.
Yes, the HuB’s $18 million dollar pitcher will be pitching out of the bullpen for the first time in his life.
“I’m not happy ’bout it, but Twan will do wut skip sez to do,” King later admitted to reporters. “I jus don’t unnastand it, mun. I ben da stottin pitcha da last fo yeez.”
Speculation is rampant over Staebell’s motive. One theory points to Anthony’s recent facebook post, in which he mocked the Chicago Cubs and their fanbase:
“Anthony King: Loves when the heart of the cubs pitching goes to the pen cause he sucks like the rest of the team! and yes SARA KUTZ this is meant for you hun! Hope your at work when you read this so you take it out on some crippled old man! It’s what a cub fan would do! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”
Staebell would not admit that these boisterous comments influenced his decision, but he did chuckle at the delicious irony.
Meanwhile, in the first game of the season, veteran pitcher Skyler Boyer took the mound, giving up just 3 runs while striking out 8 and giving up no walks. The HuBs won easily, 17-3 in just 5 innings.
“Dis bullshit, mun.” Twan complained after the victory. “Ah shudda ben out derr, not hizim! Boya trew nuttin but meetbozz all gizame! Day lucky Twan be playin therrrrrd base, mun. Gobbled up all dem ground bozz, savin’ us da game…shyit!”